Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
