laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
