i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
