i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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