hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
