I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
