At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
