Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
