I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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