She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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