she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
