I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
