i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
