I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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