I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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