rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
