oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't trust your balls anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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