just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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