so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
