i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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