I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
