She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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