I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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