I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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