someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
