my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
