Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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