I accidentally burped into my bong.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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