She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
