I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
