i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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