i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
