My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
