Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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