I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
