i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
