i think my mom watched the whole time
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i now understand why vodka
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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