It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
