Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
