the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
