I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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