Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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