Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
