Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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