??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
