What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
