When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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