If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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