You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
