Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
