yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
