areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
