if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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