It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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