He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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