Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
