Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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