I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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