is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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