I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize