She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
