At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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